Dating and Love Relationship Advice

Anonymous asked: I have got to get over this girl. We were best friends for a year or so and we both liked each other, just didn't know it. Then I noticed she was starting to flirt rather heavily and rather often. My best guy friend confronted me one day and asked me if I had feelings for the girl. I told him yes. Later I fund out from someone else he liked the same girl. So I asked the girl to lunch the next day and told her to stop the flirting because it would hurt my friend. I also told her of my feelings for her, and told her it wasn't nice to tease me since she didn't like me (I thought she didn't like me). She told me that she did, in fact, like me and that of course that made me instantly lose all concern for my guy friend. We got together, in the process ruining my friendship with my guy friend. After only 3 months, she said she didn't like me anymore and we broke up.

I'm still not over her however. I really have to get over her because every time I think about her I get really depressed. How should I get over her? Should I get over her?

I know your answer to the 'should' will obviously be yes based on all your other answers to similar questions. However I genuinely feel my case is different. We're both diligent Korean students, and are both devout Christians. We were both each other's first bf/gf. I'm 19 and I have never had sex, kissed a girl, or even said told a girl I loved her. So when I say I lover her, I really mean it. She's amazing and perfect in every way. If after 5 years she likes me again, I would still think she was worth the wait. If I move on and get over her, I'm not going to find another girl either. So should I move on? If so, how? Because nothing is working...

zendor32 answered:

Dear Anonymous,

I personally pursued a girl’s heart for a year before and I finally did give up. My dad chased my mum’s heart for 9 whole years and it worked for him instead.

Yes, love can drive you to do the wildest things. The question is not about whether you should get over her or not, but whether you are willing to pay the price of waiting for her if you do.

You must understand you are a willing party to wait for her, and she isn’t obligated to accept you at all as a partner. It means she can go out with other guys without having to explain or report to you, and you have no right to be jealous.

If she did ignore you, you cannot pressure her back towards being nice to you, because you willingly waited for her.

This is a test of longsuffering and patience and obviously many people will advise you against it. However, if you do wait, be prepared to suffer emotionally and psychologically willingly because of her.

There are too many guys out there who think they are nice guys and use their ‘sincerity’ to win other people’s hearts. If you expect her to be obligated to respond to your sincerity, your sincerity is not real; it is a loan that you expect to be repaid and not of willingness.

Ultimately, have no regrets in your decision even if you do not get what you really hope for at the end of the day. That’s because you knew the price to be paid, you chose that decision and you stuck by it.

I suggest for you not to pressure yourself to wait for her, even if you do want to wait for her. Give yourself space to explore your feelings with other girls in the midst of your waiting for her, and do not feel obligated towards that girl whom you want to wait for, because you both are not in a love relationship.

That way, you do not have to feel too upset or discouraged if she doesn’t respond to your waiting. A real man knows how to let go when it is necessary.

Yet at the same time, you can take efforts to appreciate her, and impress her when the chance or occasion arrives. She may find herself liking you all over again when you do that.

If you so decide to move on, and since you are a believer, the Word of God says, “Houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14 (KJV)

Believe Jesus is for you. He is able and most willing to act now, to bear your emotional struggles, and cause your circumstances or surroundings to work for the favor of you, irregardless of whether you feel you deserve it or not.

Regards,

zendor32

When we chase a girl’s or a guy’s heart, we really want her or him for ourselves.

Usually it is about US when we want to win someone’s heart, and not for the other party. The ironical thing about us is that we also use our ‘sincerity’ to convince the other party into accepting us as a partner.

However, since love is supposed to be unselfish, when we want her or him for ourselves, are we being selfish?

Love relationships today are very fragile. Many of us grow cold in our relationship easily and we do not know what is the exact reason to the problem.

When we notice that our love relationship is becoming stale, we usually point fingers with each other’s mistakes, and try to make our relationship better by solving problems with each other.

However, more often or not this leads to arguments rather than love, as fault finding injures everyone’s sense of pride. This often aggravates when neither party is willing to give in.

What we should know is that a relationship isn’t established by merely solving issues with each other. Rather a relationship is boosted by appreciating each other with love willingly.

Cultivating each other’s presence is one sure way to show your love towards a better relationship. What is cultivating one’s presence? It is to give priority to your partner in words and deeds, and showing that you love by expressing your gratitude to your partner freely.

Start by thanking him or her even for the smallest deeds that your partner has done for you. Do not take granted for their love for you.

You do not need to wait for an occasion to buy a gift. When you come across something good for your partner, hesitate not to buy and give it to your partner.

And most importantly, it is time to set aside your problems between the both of you, and learn to appreciate each other without demanding anything back. Unless it is absolutely unavoidable, do not point fingers to each other’s faults.

It helps when we express unconditional love actions with each other to promote love. Your partner will notice the difference with you, and you will find that the problems between the both of you will be easier to deal with, or your relationship is on the way to greater success!

I knew of many instances of bad pickup lines and approaches when guys tries to get to know someone they like.

There was once I was using a computer in my school’s library, and there was this girl sitting beside me. A guy came up to her, to ask her for her name, and to get her mobile phone number. Needless to say, he is rejected right back to his face.

I also knew of another incident where someone actually introduced himself as a ‘pancake’. He called himself a ‘pancake’, and asked a girl that if he is a pancake, would she take him as his? He called himself hot, and that time is running out as there are other people who wants that ‘pancake’.

This is really hilarious and I couldn’t stop laughing when I first heard it.

However I applaud the courage that people have when they go up to someone and ask for his or her contacts. I myself have been rejected at the face before because of similar experiences.

Yet I would like to encourage everyone that though your courage is good, we got to apply some wisdom in approaching a girl or a guy.

Otherwise, we will suffer so many disappointments, that we will lose hope in ourselves and wonder whether if we are any capable or attractive to love or not.

What are the bad approaches that you know about getting to know someone new?

picture from moriza

This is something that most teachers, parents and everyone else can’t teach us about.

That is to enjoy a love relationship that satisfies our very hearts, that life is worth the living afterall.

And like many people, I myself suffered from the very mistakes I made, and with some heartaches too.

Too many friends of mine also suffered numerous heartaches, and these emotional pains changed their very outlook of life for some.

Why shld love relationships happen that way? What ever happened to “happily ever after”?

Somehow, there are others who seemed to have it all instead.

So I will be posting up links, resources, and stuff to share, that we may all benefit together.

Feel free to ask me any questions about dating, love and relationships, and I will tend to you in anyway I can.

Meanwhile, read this about love relationships and see if you can relate to some of the stuff suggested in there.